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But I look at these snapshots and see the foundation of a much bigger problem. Yet who was I to police who should be kissing who? Who am I, now, to assume that Reynolds and Garfield don’t call someplace on the LGBTQ+ spectrum home or have fluid sexualities? Nobody, I suppose.
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And two months prior to that night, a nightclub full of queer lovers and dreamers had been filled with bullets and bodies. I hadn’t had a serious relationship yet, since so few of us were open at that school. My high school’s GSA had kids who only attended once a month, fearing that somebody would figure out why they disappeared every Monday.
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It took me ages to figure out why that sight bothered me so much. I left the dance floor and anxiously waited for somebody to walk back to the hostel with. The DJ was great, and so was I - until I saw two girls I was traveling with, girls who, to my knowledge, very much identified as straight, grinding on the dance floor, cheered on by friends and strangers alike. During a night in Vang Vieng, we ended up at a local hotspot. I’d just graduated and was traveling Asia with a group of volunteers doing construction work in developing villages. Bless the fangirls and their rekindled hopes for a Spiderman/Deadpool rom-com, but personally, I cringed, remembering my first time at a bar. The Golden Globes clip I played on repeat was Meryl Streep’s lethal political takedown the one I avoided was the infamous kiss between Andrew Garfield and Ryan Reynolds.